Roller coaster

Hmm. I just spent an hour googling things because I have a bad attitude today. Then I think to myself about why I have the time to google now-it's because I almost gagged before my shower then still felt nauseous and exhausted after and had to just sit on the couch. Honestly the thought of going back to work tomorrow after a lovely spring break is terrifying. I'm so tired. All the time. All I have to say is I hope that means babies A and B are snuggled in good and are starting to have cardiac contractions. I'm 5 weeks 5 days today! 9 more days to get through after today then I'll wake up and get to see them. Hopefully them. Or at least one. Idk it's so hard to be positive after two miscarriages and lots of  disappointment. It's like I am faking this and it's not real. Ahhh I hate waiting and I hate not being in control. Wouldn't it be nice if they made little hand-held ultrasound machines for women like me? That way I could check on it every day and get some reassurance. My husband thinks I am legit crazy at this point. Maybe I am. Oh well!!