I just read a blog post by someone I have never met but is connected to me through 800 degrees of separation...you know a friend of a friend liked something their sister's cousin put on Facebook and "bam"-it's in my news feed. So of course I read it. Then I read the comments. Then I scratched my head and reread it...because it was so confusing and theatrical! Long story short it was written by a woman who had a miscarriage (and mother f'in why I have had to, and willingly, discuss this damn topic so much this week I have no clue...I swear people are just trying to get me to break my usual happy self). Well it was just...so...dramatic. I mean yes, it is a traumatic event. For someone who has never been through it even once, let alone twice...or more, it's probably not even comprehensible to imagine what it's like. But I just don't see the point in all the drama. It happened. Mourn the loss, keep the memory alive with you, and continue on with your life. It might take longer for some than others, just like any other death, but you have to live life and just push on. I have moments where I can't talk about it without almost crying but it's usually out of self pity and I realize that pretty quickly and move on. I suppose you would have to read this post to see what I mean about the drama it contained. It was like a theater production. Am I being so insensitive because I've been able to move on? I don't know. If it happened to one of my close friends or family I'd be there for them in a heart beat and with open arms and all the understanding in the world. But...I would be real and help them get through it and move on. Not dwell.
Ok I just realized I have kind of sounded like a bitch. Well if you haven't been keeping tabs I'm on day four of lupron. I'm blaming it on that!
So now on to actual IVF news-there isn't any haha. Shots have been going well. I have been feeling ok physically, just a bit tired, but it could be because I have a cold. Emotionally I can feel the meds starting to take ahold of me, like little fingers of a vine slowly creeping up a fence, like in slow motion (dramatic much? HAHAHA). I am fairly steady and still upbeat and positive but my usual grip on not crying over everything is wavering. I almost, almost, was brought to tears by a friend today...but I overcame and made it!! Haha. I don't know why I have such a problem showing emotion. But I do. And such is life.
This is just turning into rambling so let's end it on a good note... The sun is shining. At 5:08 pm. This makes me happy :-). Every day brings me closer to ER and transfer days and maybe something to hope for.
But not too much-too dangerous.
No comments:
Post a Comment