A little perspective

     A colleague's brother died this past week.  Normally I'm not in to death and drama and all that but this person was only a few years older than me and had just gotten married a month ago.  Upon creeping on facebook pages to try to get more information, I came across posts from his wife, now widowed, and it kind of broke my heart to read how horrible this experience is for her.  I don't know if I could survive without my husband.  We joke all the time and constantly make fun of each other but people don't know just how much I love him and I know how much he loves me.  We have such an amazing relationship - nothing is perfect, let's be real, but it works for us.  We are happy.  I am happy.  I'd rather have toothpaste in the sink and never have a meal cooked for me than not have my husband.  It kind of takes my breath away to even think about him dying on me!!  So this whole situation just really puts things into perspective.  Life is short - it's time to get in gear and start living.  Work is great, but busy.  I don't want to equate busy with "not good" though, because it is good! I love who I work with, I spend every day with some of my best friends, and I know it won't last forever as we all get older and want to move in different directions with our careers.  I also think it's time for me to start taking care of myself and my house better.  I really think that for the past year I've been in some sort of haze and just haven't been able to get with the program.  Let's be real - I'm never going to be "suzie homemaker" and have dinner on the table every night or have the dishes done 7 days a week, but I can make an effort to cook more like I used to and to keep up with the cleaning, like I used to. 

So yeah, this whole "infertility" business truly is an emotional rollercoaster but I'm thinking I just need to take a step back and enjoy what I do have for a while.  It's not going to stop me from wasting hours of my life away on google or blogs by other women.  I LOVE reading about other people's experiences.  In fact I just spent the last hour frantically scrolling through message boards written by women who have had just one frozen embryo for the FET cycle to see how many worked and how many didn't.  #obsessed (I love hashtags now, btw, just to accentuate words = one of the many quirks my husband has encouraged.  We speak in "hashtag" when no one else is listening #weareweird hahahahahaha). 

So......Time to relax, regroup, and try to stay positive.
<3