1st Failed IVF and on to FET

Well folks...got the call today that I'm definitely not pregnant. Lets back up a few days. 

Last week I was obsessively taking pregnancy tests as I knew I should have started getting a positive result sometime after Wednesday.  I know my body so so well that I kind of knew the whole time it didn't work but still held out hope that maybe it was just too early. Some of the signs it didn't work:  not tired at all, whereas when pregnant I can barely stay up past 8pm, no nausea, I was able to brush my teeth without gagging, and my boobs were so not sore that they almost felt numb. That's always been my single most immediate sign that I'm pregnant-sore breasts. So...yeah I knew but it took a few days to accept. It's also hard to accept when people tell me I'm just being crazy and paranoid. 

By Saturday night I started very lightly spotting and by Sunday was spotting heavily. I took my last test Monday morning (just for one last chance, as I would have already had a period by then if not for the progesterone), and of course it was not only negative but my period had really started. 

I called the doctor's office and told them about the bleeding and the negative HPTs, so they let me come in today for blood work instead of Friday. Today I got the call that it was negative. I have to say it didn't even phase me because I knew already. On Sunday I had been really upset- not necessarily because I wasn't pregnant but more so feeling sorry for myself that I had gone through so much trying to prep for the IVF-medications, headaches, mood swings, and pretty much lost half my summer to this and then it was all for nothing. That is what I was so upset about. Oh and that I had to go to a baby shower the day my period started and I realized for real I wasn't pregnant. That was fun. Not. 

So the plus side to this is that now I have some time to focus on losing weight. I had gained about 17 total pounds since last November when I had my miscarriage and probably close to 30 since last Summer. Luckily I've already lost 7 pounds this month (another sign it didn't work). It seems that I will be doing a "Frozen Egg Transfer" or FET on November 8. That's about 6 weeks from now. So I should be able to lose 10 pounds in that time right?  Oh oh the other good news is that I don't have to take the pill to prep for FET!!! I kind of had to beg but the doctor is allowing if Woo Hoo!! I don't have all the specifics yet but at least I know I can let my body rest for a few weeks and I can focus on MY health and well being. 

I do wish, however, that I could get started with the adoption process. What I mean is to just get the information and see what it is all going to entail. I guess I am a control freak and just want to have something to be in charge of. 

...so that's it for now I suppose!! :-( 

The dreaded Two Week Wait

Wow I have a lot to catch up on! I was originally scheduled for a 3 day transfer last Thursday. On Wednesday the doctor called and told me that he would prefer to, and so recommend to, do a 5 day transfer instead. I was a little leery but basically he explained that I had so many embryos that were looking good and others that were close behind that it would be impossible to choose only two on day 3. (At that time they should be 4 cells)  They all look the same so who knows which are actually better? If I didn't have so many, 7-10+, the I would have gone ahead with the 3 day transfer. By the time of the 5 day transfer, I had only 2 really good looking embryos, and 3-4 ok ones. We transferred the two "great" ones. It was cool to watch! The doctor said he would give the remaining embryos one more day to grow before determining how many to freeze. Turns out only 1 made it to freeze. So in retrospect I'm really happy we did the 5 day transfer because the other embryos didn't even make it. Crazy considering I started with 17 eggs!! 

Now I am 2dp5dt (two days past 5 day transfer lol). I am in my dreaded TWW. I feel like I've lived my life in a series of two week increments for the last 18 months. Two week wait, negative test, two weeks waiting for ovulation, two week wait and so on. This two week wait is shaping up to be something...quite awful. Starting the day of the transfer I have been sick. Really sick. Friday, day before transfer, I was getting hoarse and feeling a little fatigued. Saturday morning I woke up with an extremely sore throat and coughing fits-lovely. Luckily I was able to keep it in check during the procedure. By late afternoon "the sickness" had spread up into my head and stuffiness joined the symptoms. Yesterday I woke up even more sick!!!! Horrible. Horrible day. Today I had to go to work. I could barely talk. Did I mention I'm a teacher? Yeah, need to talk for that. My chest is seriously hurting from coughing and trying to talk all day (and can I mention the 7:45 am nosebleed?). So, if there are any symptoms, I can't feel them. I have just been taking Tylenol so as to hopefully prevent a fever!!

Now, can we talk about the progesterone inserts? What a mess!!  First of all I have to "insert" them 3 times a day.  This means once at work. I can't remember to do it at 2:30 and am always late. I have ruined 2 pairs of underwear. Literally taken them off and said "not worth it" and thrown them away. I even bought these bigger "long" length pads. I don't know what else to do. Standing at work all day makes it all leak and it's just gross. 

Well I hope it works but am prepared for it to not work. We shall see!! Beta test is scheduled for Friday 9/27. So...far...away...

I will definitely be poas whether I'm supposed to or not. 

And we have some zygotes!!

Well Dr. Griffin called today (in the middle of while I was teaching, of course) to let me know the results of the fertilization.  He was VERY pleased and so are we!!  Of the 17 eggs retrieved yesterday, 13 fertilized and are growing properly.  6 were fertilized using some special method (shouldn't I have written this down? oh well) and all 6 are perfect.  Of the remaining 11 that were fertilized more "naturally", 7 made it.  He thinks the other four that didn't fertilize properly were probably just immature.  So this is exciting!!  I go for the transfer on Thursday at 10am.  I sure hope my little zygotes grow grow grow!!!

Having to stand a lot at work today definitely was difficult.  My poor ovaries HURT!!  Now my back hurts too.  I was given a script for loritabs and I think I might break down and take one later, just to get a little relief.  Tomorrow I'm going to try to sit more, although I don't know how that's going to work out.  All in all, despite the discomfort and mild headache (story of my life), I'm in very good spirits and looking forward to getting this done with.  Even if it doesn't work out this month I hope I have enough embryos to freeze so that I can just use them next cycle instead of going through all of this.

Fingers Crossed!!!

ER Day!! -Success!

Today was the big day. I could not eat or drink anything after midnight so I woke up and of course was hungry haha. Had I been allowed to eat I probably wouldn't have wanted to eat!! Chad and I headed off to the clinic around 7:15, with his sample safe, snug, and warm in between my legs. The weird things I have to do for this!!! We were both pretty tired. I will admit I was a little apprehensive but only ONLY because I was worried they would miss the window and I already ovulated. The pain I was in during the middle of the night was extreme so I got all in my head and worried that I was ovulating. 

When I arrived there was another lady all prepped too. She was definitely older than me and didn't seem to have a husband or boyfriend. Just her mom and dad and no mention of any man or even partner. Good for her!! She went in first. It only took about 30 minutes before she was awake (albeit a bit loopy) and back in the pre-op room. The anesthesiologist was out of a sitcom-hilarious. They had me walk into the room and get on this table (a comfy table-no steel table woop!). The stirrups for my legs were reallllly high up-definitely felt like a frog. (I wonder if it was like that for my D&Cs but I had already been under some pretty heavy sedatives by then if I recall.) Dr. Anesthesiologist started to chat to me and I definitely thought the grate in the ceiling was moving. He then told me he had already started to push the meds. I basically do not remember anything else until I woke up!! Apparently I chatted with the doctor but I do not remember it a single bit. 

Once I got back to the room I got to have some squirt and animal crackers - clearly I was fine lol. Chad and the nurse told me that they retrieved 17 eggs!!! Seventeen!!!  Chad said the doc had come to tell him before I was awake. Cool! So that explains why I have been so sore and tired lately. 

I have to say overall it's been a good experience. I have been groggy all day due to the sedatives wearing off and pretty crampy buy nothing I can't handle. I was given a script for some loritabs but I won't need them. I wish I could focus and get some work done but even writing this is exhausting me. 

Next steps:  I wait for a phone call tomorrow to find out how many of the little eggs were fertilized and to receive a time for my embryo transfer on Thursday.  So now...we wait!!

Sleep Shopping

I went to the mall today with my friend and two of her three kids. We had a fabulous time! The mall wasn't busy, the kids behaved like little angels, and we both found some nice stuff. I found two super cute new pairs of shoes!! Bonus-they were on sale for $30 a piece!

Well I was there for about three hours and I have to say I am exhausted!! I felt like i was sleep-shopping and I seriously am now laying on the couch thinking about taking a nap. These ovaries need to be emptied and soon :-). Thankfully the procedure is tomorrow. I just have to remember to take my antibiotic today with dinner and then nothing to eat or drink after midnight. I can't wait to find out how many eggs will be collected. I hope lots and I hope they fertilize properly. So many things can go wrong. It's a lot to have to think about. However oh well!! It is what it is, as my school secretary says :-) 

Almost ready!!!

Yay! Went to the doctor today. He wasn't sure if he wanted to trigger me tonight or tomorrow but once he looked at my blood results he decided that I can trigger tonight and the big egg retrieval day is going to be Monday!! I'm very excited. I currently have what looks like two bunches of grapes sitting inside my body and it's fairly uncomfortable. It's also making me nauseous and tired, not to mention the headaches and such. So I'm happy to have them out!! Wish me luck :-) 

Back to school!

Ok first week is done!!! It was super crazy and busy. Tuesday and Wednesday we had to finish our classrooms, plan lessons, and sit in meetings. We have a whole new administration and everyone is a little on edge. After this week I'm really impressed with the new leaders, though!!  We shall see how things pan out as the year progresses.   And as for my students...I am spoiled because with one exception (a class of freshmen) I know all of them and have for the last 4+ years!!! So it's super easy to start and delve into things.

With the start of school I also had to start going to the doctor for ultrasounds and blood work. Would you believe that I have had to get up at the crack of dawn to go in before work every single day this week except Wednesday and I even have to go tomorrow!!!! At 8am!!!! On a Saturday!!! AHHHH it's ok though...all for a good cause.  I think I counted at least 15 follicles this morning while the doctor was measuring!!!  I actually can't wait until egg retrieval day because I get to be sedated and you know what? It means I get some nice, solid rest. 

So for now I'm going to enjoy my new BFF-my Velcro ice pack and wait for the Immitrex to kick in for this wonderful migraine I've developed. Will definitely update soon!! 

Thinking takes a lot of Energy!!

Today I met with my colleagues at Panera to do some work for the new school year.  We all are teaching the same courses this year and are supposed to common plan so that we are all doing the same things.  This is the first year that we have really come together to put four powerful brains together to create some very unique ideas!!! We decided to try Interactive Notebooks this year, so we are all trying something new together.

It's great - in the past we, the members of our science department, have all been very cordial and professional with each other but we didn't know each other very well, with the exception of my BFF Annette :-).  Last year Annette and I became much closer with one of our colleagues while the other was out on maternity leave and unfortunately was only part time at our school.  This year we are really coming together.  What makes me happy is that not only are we being professional and respectful but it seems like we really genuinely are liking each other's company!  It's so pleasant and not to toot my own horn or anything but we are all very intelligent and come with a wealth of experience so I am happy to plan and share with my department.  We planned out our whole first unit for one course, a few weeks for another, and came up with some ideas for common rules, etc. 

This is what the public doesn't understand about teachers - we just spent almost four hours on a SUNDAY of Labor Day weekend working!! We do work in the summer - just from home (I should be doing a flipchart right now LOL!!!)! I'm happy to do it but I wish that teachers weren't perceived as "Public Enemy # 1".  Sure, some people don't do their jobs but they aren't the majority. 

What I have forgotten about, having been on a glorious summer vacation for the past two months, is how exhausting it is to THINK that much!!!  When I came home Chad was ready to go to the Chicken Wing Festival (annual Buffalo tradition!) and I could barely think straight.  Next week is going to be rough!  I know that once I get back into the swing of things it will be just fine...my brain just needs to adjust to real life.  I'm sure the hormones aren't helping much...

...speaking of which...that's what this blog is supposed to be about so here is a picture of all of the medications I have to take nightly now that I am quickly approaching "ER Day" (Egg Retrieval).  I still won't know exactly when it is but it will probably be within about a week or so.  I am starting to feel a lot better (knock on wood!!!) as far as the headaches and general lack of a will to get off the couch go.  I know from experience that I will probably get tired quickly, bloated, and very crampy as I approach ER day but I'll take that over a migraine any day!  I even got a Lupron-related hot flash the other day and could have cared less!!  I know all of this will be worth it in the end...and knowing what I have experienced from my first two pregnancies - it's just gonna' get worse!!  Bring it on :-)